My Thoughts On Equal Rights for Fathers

The idea of a father having equal rights is, for many, a new way of thinking, however, there are more and more people embracing this concept. There is still a large number of people who refuse to acknowledge a father's rights even though they are a subset of basic Human rights. Speaking from personal experience, I've noticed that many of the people who refuse to recognize fathers' rights also believe that their sex or race is superior to others. Fortunately, the majority of good Americans will learn to support equal rights for fathers in the years to come.

How do I know this? Consider women's right to vote. In the mid 1840's, American women first began organizing themselves to make known their desire to be recognized as equal enough to men to at least have the right to vote. They were in the minority, no doubt about that, with most men AND women calling the idea ridiculous. Sounds absurd, doesn't it? Think about that for a minute... years ago (in 1920) women did not have the right to vote. They fought for nearly three-quarters of a century to earn the right to be equal citizens to men.

How did they finally earn the right to vote? They educated enough people. Plain and simple, they educated the ignorant.

Don't be one of the ignorant ones that makes this controversy last for decades, please, recognize the fact that fathers have equal rights where their children are concerned.

Q. Do fathers have the right to make, or help make, decisions about their own children?
A. Yes, of course. The American way is to have equal rights for everyone. We all know that we haven’t been perfect so far, but we make improvements every day.

Q. Does the father of a child have the same rights as the mother of that child?
A. Certainly. I’d hate to live in one of those countries where one parent has to ask the other for permission to do things with their own child.

Q. Do fathers have the right to make, or help make, decisions about their own children, even if the baby has not yet been born?
A. Again, yes. Where to live, which doctor or hospital to use, decorating the nursery, naming the child… I could go on but I’m sure you get the picture. A father has the right to participate in any decision being made about his child.

Q. Is it possible that people have heard the phrase “a woman’s choice” so often that they do not realize that loving fathers like myself, given the opportunity, would raise their child even if the mother does not wish to raise the child?
A. I’d say that is a definite possibility. Before any abortion is performed, particularly those that are used as a form of birth control, the father of that child should be given the opportunity to raise them.

Q. Do men have the same right to single parenthood as women have?
A. Yes, they do. However, few are willing to recognize this right. Sad, no?

(See FAQ below as well.)

(Some obvious disclaimers would be the fact that all these statements assume legal, consensual relations occurred between the parents of the child, and no court order, adverse medical conditions, or abuse is involved.)

Here, in the form of newsgroup postings (consolidated and paraphrased) from “juliedotcom2000” on February 2, 2002, is perfect example of a father’s rights being trampled:

“Just a bit of insight...

My sixteen-year-old daughter was being persuaded (by a female doctor) to give her baby up for adoption. I commented to the doctor that the father of the baby would need to consider his options. Imagine my shock when the doctor suggested a written statement that my daughter didn't know who the father was. She told her if she let him (the father) have custody then she would end up paying him child support.

At this point, any credibility that this doctor had went right out the window.

The doctor then offered her the option of abortion. My daughter (an epileptic on medication) refused. She [the doctor] then turned to me and asked if I was pressuring her in her choice. I responded that my daughter knew my opinions but I would support my daughter in any of her choices and that SHE had to LIVE with the choice not me.

The doctor then tried to scare her into an abortion by telling her the child would be deformed because of the medication she took. My heart broke as I watched my daughter bury her face in her hands and shutter.

I did a bit of research and found a pro-life doctor. No more scare tactics.

Oh yes the baby stayed with mom and dad and tomorrow the little guy wants to come over to my house and watch the Superbowl. I'm glad that my daughter respected my grandsons right to life. The baby was born perfectly formed, by the way.” - JulieDotCom2000

Too many women feel like just because they don't want their baby, no one else should have him or her either. Much like a spoiled child with a toy they are being forced to share. They'd rather destroy it than let someone else play with it. Does that sound right to you? I feel like most women will mature, eventually, and begin to consider the rights and feelings of the fathers of their babies. (There's a very good reason why you can't become President of the United States until you are 35 years old... most people have matured by then.)

From the moment of conception, fathers have equal rights concerning their children. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, like incest, rape and minors trying to make adult decisions. However, fathers have every right to their children as the mother has. A pregnant woman has every right to say, “Get that cigarette away from me.” On the other side of the coin, a father also has the right to say, “No, you cannot smoke while you are carrying my child. You do not have the right to poison him or her any more than I do.”

Medically and scientifically, when a woman becomes pregnant her body becomes a host for another developing human being. It is not just her body any more. To think otherwise is totally a control issue or an unnecessary power struggle. All humans have a biological mother and a biological father who become parents during the moment of conception. Realizing that a man becomes a father at the precise moment that a woman becomes a mother helps all these concepts become clear.

Many father’s rights are abused when they are not married to the mother of their child. Countless abortions have been performed without the father’s consent or even knowledge. Granted, most single men would agree to an abortion (just like the mother), but what of those few times that the father would be willing to raise the child? I did. I raised two girls by myself. No child support, and what little “help” I received was more hurt than help.

Whose rights are more important? Do you feel that a mother's rights are more important than a father's rights? If so, then consider this scenario:

A woman is able to become pregnant, but is unable to give birth. In an effort to have a child, but not risk any more miscarriages, she has another woman carry her fertilized egg to term. However, after 6 or 8 weeks, the surrogate mother decides to abort the pregnancy.

How would you feel if she did not even consult with you, but simply aborted the pregnancy?

Do you understand that this scenario is much like what many men have to deal with every day?

Many men feel as though someone who is unpredictable is more or less holding his child hostage. She may, or may not, kill his baby. How do we deal with that in the future?

A father’s rights concerning his children, like all other human rights, is something that already exists. We simply need to get everyone to recognize and respect these rights. I don’t like the concept of an abortion but fully recognize that sometimes they are necessary in cases where the mother’s or baby’s health is an issue, incest, and possibly rape. However, in all other cases, the father of the baby needs to be consulted. It’s his baby too. Everyone knows that the woman has to carry the child and give birth. We can’t change biology or our anatomy. No one is saying that these choices are easy. Life decisions are always hard to make.

By the way, fathers support equal rights for women! Reciprocating by respecting our rights as fathers is a small thing to ask.

Below are frequently asked questions (FAQ) from newsgroups and news postings. Keep in mind that they are real questions, most of them copied and pasted as they were posted:

Q. Don’t you think that it’s only fair that the one who has to carry the baby to term gets to make all the decisions about her own body? (Another version is; Do you really think that a man has any rights at all when it is the WOMAN that carries the thing for nine long months?)
A. Fathers shouldn’t have to forfeit their rights to their own children because the mother of their baby thinks it’s unfair that SHE has to give birth. We cannot change biology or our anatomy, however we CAN change the way we treat each other. Hopefully, we will continue this trend of granting equal rights to all who deserve it.

Q. Do you see how in demanding equal rights for the father or an unborn child, you are actually asking for rights over that of the mother?
A. A father exercising rights that he has previously been deprived is NOT overriding someone else's rights. In fact, many pregnant women are consistently abusing the rights of their baby's father. So what YOU see as men overriding the rights of women is really a father claiming rights that were his to begin with. True, in the eyes of many women, they will be giving up rights, but in reality that's simply not the case. They were abusing the rights of others all along, exercising rights that were not theirs in the first place. Also, if your mother had aborted you, would that have been an abuse of your rights?

Q. How many abortions really take place over the objection of the father?
A. For every abortion agreed to by a "father" there was a "mother" agreeing as well. What should be asked instead is "How many abortions take place covertly, where the father was never even informed?"

Q. Are you saying that the idea that the father wishes to raise the child would be presented to the woman seeking an abortion as another option for her to consider?
A. Of course! Don't say it like it's a bad thing!

Q. If the father of the baby objects to the abortion and wants to raise the child himself, are you saying that he has the right to prevent the abortion from taking place and force the woman to continue the pregnancy?
A. Obviously, if he wishes to raise his child, the baby will have to be born, but I wonder why most people don’t think to ask whether or not a woman has the right to force a man to allow his baby to be aborted/killed? Hmmm… makes some of you stop and think, doesn't it? Many people still have a very one-sided, immature, archaic way of looking at things. They consider only themselves, ignoring the rights of the father AND the baby. They are more worried about their rights being trampled than the life a human being OR someone they cared enough about to have sex with.

Q. What kind of compensation does a women get for carrying a pregnancy to term that she doesn't want?
A. What kind of compensation does the father get for having his baby scraped out of what was supposed to be his child's host and only hope for life? (In the past, I have answered this question, "Well, she can pay child support for the following 18 to 24 years.")

Q. Performing an abortion covertly, without the father's knowledge does not affect him at all, now does it?
A. This is the equivalent of thinking that you can own a slave as long as they don't find out that they have the right to be free.

Q. It is the mother's body that is affected [by pregnancy]. It's easy to believe in equal rights over the fetus when you know it isn't you who will physically suffer.
A. A relatively short time of physical pain is a small price to pay for allowing a human life to survive and to alleviate the life-long mental suffering of the father of the baby. But the physical pain is what it's all about for many women, isn't it? They don't want to have to go through the trauma and risk of childbirth. They would rather scrape their baby out of their body than give birth, which very well could be the most severe form of selfishness humanly possible.

By the way, it's also easy to get an abortion when you know you won't physically suffer.

Q. Does a father have the right to prevent the mother of his baby from drinking or smoking during pregnancy, or to stop her from flying in an airplane? (Someone really asked this!)
A. It's humorous the way they lumped these scenarios together, as though flying in an airplane is anywhere near as risky for a pregnant woman as smoking or drinking, but to answer the question, of course a father has the right to prevent anyone from poisoning his baby, even the mother. In fact, it's his duty to protect his children, even if it is from the mother. Any suggestion that a pregnant woman has the right to smoke or drink is ludicrous, and is a good indicator that they are on a dangerous power trip. As for flying, I don’t know enough about that to comment intelligently. Maybe someone will send me an e-mail and enlighten me.

Q. Aren't most fathers deadbeats anyway?
A. Absolutely not. Most fathers are very good at what they do. Remember that fathers are 50% of what makes America so great. Here is an excerpt from an e-mail I received from Simon G.:

In the local Child Support office, there’s a poster. It consists of a picture of an infant with the caption "It’s amazing how many guys disappear when one of these shows up". We’ve all heard the stories of the father who abandons his children and runs off to some sunny spot with his secretary, never to be heard from again. At every turn we seem to hear about "Deadbeat Dads"...fathers who refuse to accept financial responsibility for their children. Judging from recent legislative actions such as the Child Support Enforcement Act of 1992, you might think that every divorced Dad in America is running from child support payments. But is this really the case? What do the statistics reveal? According to information provided by the United States Census Bureau (Series P-20, No. 458, 1991), 26.9% of non-custodial fathers totally default on their child support. But what about non-custodial mothers? Of those non-custodial mothers who have been ordered to pay child support, 46 .9% are in default. So is it really fair to use the term "Deadbeat Dad"?

Feel free to send comments to Gary@GaryBHaley.com but please understand that I may post them on my web site somewhere.

Here's a couple of father's rights law firm sites: DadsRights.org and, not related, DadsRights.com.